A guide to getting help when you’re the helper by Paula Duncan

When someone you love needs extra support at home, it’s natural to step in. You drive to appointments, keep an eye on medications, cook meals, answer late-night phone calls, because that’s what family, friends and neighbours do.

But I know from experience that even the most devoted helper can’t pour from an empty cup. This guide is for you – the person quietly holding things together – and how the new Support at Home program can help.

When helping starts to feel heavy

Most helpers don’t wake up one day and “become a carer”. It happens bit by bit:

• You pop in a few times a week to check they’re okay

• Then you start doing the shopping and washing

• Then you’re organising appointments, sorting paperwork, coordinating everyone else

You might notice you’re:

• Tired all the time

• Snappy or teary over small things

• Putting off your own health checks and social life

• Feeling like you’re always “on duty”

If that’s you, it doesn’t mean you’re not coping. It means you’ve been doing a lot, often alone, for a long time.

You don’t have to do everything yourself

Many helpers tell themselves:

• “Other people have it worse – I should just get on with it.”

• “It’s quicker if I do it myself.”

• “I’m the one they trust – I can’t hand this over.”

But getting practical support at home isn’t about stepping back. It’s about sharing the load so you can:

• Be the son, daughter, partner, neighbour or friend again

• Have a little breathing space in your week

• Know your loved one is safe and supported, even when you’re not there

How Support at Home can help

The Australian Government’s Support at Home program is designed so older people can stay living at home, with the right mix of services around them.

Depending on needs and eligibility, support might include:

• Help with showering, dressing and grooming

• Meal preparation and support with eating

• Cleaning, laundry and light gardening

• Transport to appointments and community activities

• Nursing and allied health at home

• Social visits and check-ins

For the person you care for, this can mean more confidence and independence.
For you, it can mean fewer late-night worries and a little more room to breathe.

You’re not replacing your care – you’re backing it up.

Getting started: small steps are okay

You don’t need to have all the answers before you reach out. You can:

• Talk to your GP about what you’re managing and ask what support might help

• Contact My Aged Care to find out what your loved one may be eligible for

• Speak to a Support at Home provider and say, “This is what life looks like for us – what could help?”

Asking questions doesn’t lock you into anything. It simply gives you options.

You’re part of the care plan too

Support at Home isn’t just about services. It’s about people – including you.

When support is set up well:

• The older person feels respected and listened to

• You feel less alone with the responsibility

• The whole family has clearer information and a shared plan

Your wellbeing should always be part of the conversation. It’s not selfish – it’s sensible. When you’re supported, you can keep caring in a way that’s sustainable, kind and human.

How Trilogy Care can walk alongside you

At Trilogy Care, we know there’s often a quiet helper behind every person needing support at home.

Our role is to:

• Help you understand Support at Home funding and what’s possible

• Turn that funding into real, practical services that ease your load

• Keep things clear and simple, so you’re not left managing it all on your own

If you’re the helper, this is your gentle reminder: you’re allowed to ask for help too.

And when you’re ready, we’re here to talk through your options and find a way forward – together.